Negril Notes

Drugs for Breakfast - Yummmy!

July 2, 2006

Ok, the kid was obnoxious and his unshaven, white-trash, obviously non-custodial dad lacked any semblance of parenting skills. I laughed to myself as they argued over the breakfast menu. A classic parent-child confrontation, and the kid was winning hands down. Cranberry juice seemed to be an important first course, there was an immediacy to the kid getting it. He did.

“Ok, now take your pill,” dad slurs thru broken, rotting and/or missing teeth. The kid pops the tiny white orb. Dad sighed with relief. I lost my appetite.

Does this kid even have a chance? Hopefully mom married better the second time around, this was a pretty nice neighborhood, mine.

 I thought back, how did I learn to sit still in a restaurant? Oh yeah, my dad would grab hold of the short hairs on the back of my head, it would only hurt if I moved, and I’d snap to attention fast. Sure, “catholic discipline” left a few tracks on my psyche, but at least I avoided the cradle-to-grave drug dependence obviously the master plan of the evil meglo-pharmacrat pulling the societal strings. Worse yet, all the so-called experts agree.

These so-called experts say, “without them [kiddy drugs], little Jimmy can’t sit still long enough to learn.” Shut up! You loosing piece of crap! What have the leading experts, guilty parents, and unionized teachers given us: illiteracy, ever rising drop-out rates, oh yeah, don’t forget the occasional school massacre conveniently blamed on violent video games and gangsta-rap.

I don’t say I’m a great parent, but thankfully I married one once. When my daughter was in third grade, the teacher called my ex-wife in and said, “We think Kristine is A.D.D. and should be medicated.” Lucky for Kristine my occasionally evil ex-wife went nuts, she told the teacher maybe she should challenge the kids so they’re not so damned bored. The next year, in a new school, Kristine was put in accelerated classes and has thrived ever since: drug free. Well, except maybe a likkle ganja when she visits Negril, she is my daughter after all.  

Headache: Take Tylenol. Muscle-tension: Aleve. Stress: Prozac. Insomnia: Ambien. Hemorrhoids: Anusol. Heartburn: Well, you can’t have heartburn anymore. Since our friends at AstroZeneca invented Nexuim, the purple pill, you have Acid Reflux Disease, which is exactly the same as heartburn, but much, much worse.

Shouldn’t the answer be, cut out the daily pizza, drink some water, stop abusing yourself? Save the money you spend on drugs and take a vacation. Oh, that’s right, drugs are free, or at lease included in your benefits package, and when the country is sufficiently addicted we’ll get the government to pay for them, yeah that’s the ticket! Look how happy the Canadians are! They’re so drugged out all their comedians have to come here to get a rise out of someone. Pamela Anderson? Let’s not even go there!

It’s a big issue, who has the answer? I do! Deal with it! It’s really that simple, do these drugs really make our life better? The same people foisting pharmaceuticals on the lemming populous keep telling our kids to Say No To Drugs.

Kids need to know right and wrong, absolutes are ok, they’re tough, they can handle it. They can learn all about moral relativism in college, assuming they didn’t spend their childhood drugged into submission.

Rantingly Yours,

Vinny

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