Negril Notes

Sandals 2002 w/ Dolores - Part 2

January 12, 2005

All Inclusive

Wow! What a great place! Sandals Negril is like taking a luxury cruise without leaving port. Marcus, an affable Jamaican gent showed us to our luxurious room. Walking to the room, we could hear the ocean, but could only see it in glimpses between buildings and foliage.

As Dolores doled out closet space, I struck out to find refreshments. In the yard I came across my good friend Marcus, I knew he was my good friend because he greeted me, “Hello, Vinny my good friend!”

I’m sure he was figuring he’d do well befriending a wealthy American like me. You see, I’m an average guy but Dolores looks more like she’s from Hollywood than from Philly. So people figure I must be loaded to get a girl like Dolores, or that I am endowed with what Jamaicans call “The Big Bamboo.” A-hem, I’m not rich, oh no, not rich at all.

I asked my good friend Marcus about that other form of Jamaican refreshment.

“Vinny wants the Good Stuff”, he laughed.

I explained to him I was an experienced Negril traveler and I knew what good stuff was and what it cost. He put up his hand and made a wait here motion and disappeared into an employee only area. He returned a moment later with a sample spliff, I love Negril! I hit the bar and walked back to our room with beer and juices.

Dolores had opened the drapes, and from thirty yards away I could see her sexy silhouette moving about the room. I slipped quietly into the room, snuck up behind her and placed an icy Red Stripe on the counter in front of her. She was wearing my favorite bikini, a gold lamÃ© number I’d actually bought for her. I slid my arms around her from behind. Our eyes met in the mirror, Sandals, the home of Caribbean Romance!

I lit the big spliff. She was nervous about the tell-tale aroma alerting the neighbors, but I waved her off, “It’s Jamaica,” I said and took a big hit.

“Ere,” I said as I passed the joint. A wicked smile came to her pretty face as the smoke expanded in her lungs.

We had thought we were relaxed before, slowed from the pace of real life, but the ganja; it took us to a whole new level.

What seemed like just moments later, but had probably been half an hour, Marcus and a friend appeared on our patio. They were looking all about as if to heighten the danger they were in for supplying us the evil weed. I didn’t fall for the ruse. When it comes to ganja, most resorts look the other way. They would rather their guests utilize the services of trusted, reliable employees than going off premises where trouble may find them, or worse yet, follow them back.

We made the transaction, I overpaid.

By that point I was feeling no pain and the sunny noontime day was calling us to explore this beautiful place. Dolores wrapped a pink flowery sarong my mother, of all people, bought her for our trip. And we were off.

I don’t know what I was expecting, I’d been to Hedonism several years ago it was an “All-Inclusive” too, but this place seemed so low key. No, lower than that. The entire place was deserted! The pool was almost empty, the bar was almost empty, the beach was almost empty, the dining room, however was jam-packed!

Lunch-time we thought, the munchies were hitting pretty hard, so we followed suit. Little did we know we were falling into the insidious all-inclusive lemming trap. The guide in the room said lunch was served from 11 o’clock till 2, but it was 12:15 and everyone was here. How could all these people be on such a schedule? Who knows? We got on line, filled out plates with beautifully prepared and creatively presented items.

Seeking an open table and realized everyone was dressed like they were at a country club. I had on swim trunks, and Dolores wore a bikini top with a sarong. We looked at each other, both realizing this at the same time. We stood out! Yeah, we were a hundred feet from the most beautiful beach in the world, dressed in beach attire, and we stood out!

The women, mostly middle-aged, had taken their hubbies to a “couples only” resort in an effort to spice up monotonous nuptial bliss. They glared at the girl with the big boobs, though the hubbies more stared than glared. Even though Dolores increased the spice their wives were looking for it wasn’t the place the wives expected to find it. They should have given her a medal, but many were downright rude.

Finally we saw our married friends who called us over. It was nice to see a familiar face. The Marrieds were very nice people. It was the second time around for both of them, and they seemed truly happy with each other.

We all had a nice lunch and several drinks. We discussed plans for the week and made plans to go to Rick’s Cafe tomorrow night. Dolores made sure to tell them to ask Ken & Barbie to come along too.

Beach Time!! I hate the beach! I know that sounds funny for a guy who goes to Negril once or twice a year, but it’s true. More accurately, laying out on the beach and frolicking in the water. I’m Irish, I have two skin colors, fish belly white and lobster red. Don’t get me wrong! I love sitting near the beach, better yet a bar near or on the beach. In the shade drinking Red Stripes and watching the goings on, and the walking by’s. I also love walking on the beach along the water line, especially at sunset, that’s living!

Dolores on the other hand is a fish; I mean that in the nicest way! She’s mostly Italian and gets a dark bronze tan. She loves water related activities. Her morning ocean kayak jaunts became a daily ritual, as did several hours a day tanning in the Negril sun.

After breakfast on our first full day in Negril, Dolores decided we were going to kayak out to Booby Cay.

I was all for it until she picked out a tandem ocean kayak.

“Tandem kayak?” I thought. Wasn’t that an oxymoron?

One of the nicknames Dolores often refers to me as is Mr. Smooth, for obvious reasons to all those who have met me, but in an that kayak I was far from smooth.

At first we were ok, we headed past the breakers into the deeper water, and like the crews who run the river near Boat House Row in Philly, we were in perfect synch.

Dolores was in the front and I was in the rear. At first it was playful, and then all hell broke loose!

“Follow my lead,” she giggled. Yeah, we were probably gaja-fied.

“No, the other way,” as she looked back with a playful “Kids Today” look.

Dolores was in great shape. Not only the owner and lead designer of her own women’s swimwear company, she was the company’s main model. Growing up with three brothers, she was also one of the most competitive people I had ever met. I helped her with productions issues, I ran her website, but I was about as far from being an athlete as one could get.

Short story long, we almost killed each other!

“I AM STEERING LEFT!!,” I less than calmly stated.

“YOU’RE OTHER LEFT AAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSHOLE!!” she retorted.

“DON’T CALL ME AN ASSHOLE BITCH!!”

“BITCH!!?? CAN’T YOU SEE I’M HOLDING A WEAPON??? ASSHOLE!!??”

Need I go on? We laugh about it now, but we didn’t speak for several hours after we finally got back to shore. From then on she went alone on her kayak trips.

We also enjoyed long walks down the beach. Each day our goal was downtown Negril, though we never made it we got as far as Kuyaba one day.

We’d walk with no money. We’d stop at the craft stalls and visit with the people there. Passing closed or under construction hotel properties, we would stop and talk to the men working in the hot sun. We met so many awesome people. We’d tell people at Sandals to come with us, but they couldn’t divorce themselves from the hype.

It’s so easy to get caught up and become an “All-Inclusive Lemming.” Everything is there for you except the real Jamaica, the real Negril. Most of the people at Sandals get up, eat breakfast, lounge by the pool or beach, eat lunch, more lounging, eat a snack, lounge, get dressed for dinner, eat dinner, watch the nightly “Island Entertainment” have a few fruity rum drinks and go to bed. Then do it all over again the next day. And hey, for some people that’s great, and at least they’re doing it in Negril. But getting off the property; that’s where the memories are.

Vinny